Lady Chatterley Comes to Life
A teaser chapter (pun intended) from my upcoming book, Bindi Girl 2: Surrendering to the Soul of India.
Kolkata, West Bengal
Calcutta hosted her “13th Annual International Film Festival” during my 2007 visit. Bizarre yet harmless films from Hong Kong, Portugal, the UK, and Spain gave a welcome respite from the weariness of India travel.
Certainly, however, the most unexpected—shall we say—climax of the Film Festival came with the grand finale: The French version of Lady Chatterley, of course based on D.H. Lawrence's famous, racy novel, Lady Chatterley's Lover (1926).
Now this was to be an experience out of the ordinary traveling day. I asked Caroline—a cheery, blonde, thirty-something British gal I had met just that morning over chai—to join me. “Sure! Sounds like a riot,” she agreed. We treated ourselves to the Saturday night showing of this three-hour epic in the cinema near Calcutta’s Park Street market.
Turns out, this Lady Chatterley (Dir. Pascale Ferran, 2006) is one art-house flick that could easily have been considered soft porn in the U.S. (think NR rating of Henry and June or Showgirls). Imagine. Three hours of Lady Chatterley and her servant gamekeeper exchanging lingering glances, symbolic buds a-flowering in springtime, cool water being poured from the sensual pitcher into a waiting open mouth, and passionate hand-pumping of the water well.
And all the while ensconced, late-at-night, in a massive cinema hall filled with 95 percent Indian males—and a random brave female date.
Caroline and I drape our shawls over our faces; even in the pitch-dark theater, we are beet-red and flushed with self-consciousness. The audience of conservative Calcuttans mutters in hushed tones, a muffled giggle escaping here and there.
The frisky film rolls on, and the whole movie house squirms in their seats as waves of tension ebb and flow. You can hear the holding of breath as “M'lady” perches herself astride her hunky servant man, having a time that puts Meg Ryan's infamous diner display in When Harry Met Sally to shame. Even I am taken aback.
Wow. Now that is a woman satisfied.
But the sultry sex doesn't quite stop there. With complete abandon, the Lady and her manservant romp ‘round in a rainstorm, with all the gratuitous nudity expected from a French film. As Chatterley and chap make out maniacally in the mud, “full frontal” isn't quite the word for it.
Just when I think that I—let alone the Indians—cannot take anymore, the Lady and her manservant top off their rolling and ravishing to have a go of it by the fireplace in his forest hut.
But not before the Lady's sweaty servant professes his undying love for her. With his objet d’amor reared up and ready to go, he turns to eye a sprig of flowers scattered on the floor near the fireplace.
Oh good god, I cringe. If he does what I think he's about to do, I think I'll fall into a hole in the floor. NOT here! This is INDIA!
And exactly that he does—placing the tiniest periwinkle blue blossom of oh-so-aptly named forget-me-nots directly in the Lady's personal—ahem—bud vase.
"Oh dear God,” Caroline and I squeak out loud simultaneously, gasping and cowering, shrinking down in our seats. The snickers from the Indian men in the cheap seats below us rise louder and louder. Everyone is about to lose it. But there’s more. “You need a flower, too,” exclaims the onscreen Lady Chatterley, adorning her lad with a sprig of ivy. She gazes adoringly at the object of her desire, a staff strong and steady. The larger-than-life screen image is of a man transformed into fig-leafed Adam.
Finally, out of total helplessness and complete embarrassment, all of the Indians let out a loud cheer. Guffaws of delight throttle through the theater, followed by an explosion of applause.
Without intending, the French producer of this novel-come-to-life has just succeeded in thrusting each and every Calcuttan in the audience—and the two of us lone Western travelin' women—to ecstatically high states of sheer embarrassment.
Now that is entertainment!
Stay tuned for the upcoming book! All the spiritual travel tales and adventures to round out the trilogy. Coming soon…
Have you read my books?
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THE ADVENTURES OF BINDI GIRL: DIVING DEEP INTO THE HEART OF INDIA (2012) ***10th Anniversary!***
TRUTH SEEKER: A SPIRITUAL ADVENTURE OF LOVE, LOSS, AND LIBERATION (2021)
