New Moon in Libra: Dismantling the Dysfunction in Relationships

With Mars and Pluto adding rocket fuel to this New Moon, exposures of dysfunctions in relationships are to be expected. This is necessary in order to make room for healthy, up-to-date connection.

Tomorrow, we welcome the New Moon in the cardinal air sign of Libra, the Scales of Balance. Most people look at Venus-ruled Libra as the harmonizer, the peacemaker, the beautifying one. Yet, in addition to being the ruler of contracts and partnerships that are in balance, Libra spotlights the field of open enemies, open conflict, and justice, which does not depend upon feeling good or getting along. At this lunation, the warring planet Mars dances tightly in conjunction with Sun, Moon, and Mercury all in the sign of the Scales. In addition, Pluto, the planet of spiritual transformation, stations direct just a few hours later, ensuring that events occurring at this time will be deep, lasting, and vital for our collective and individual evolution.

With the presence of Mars and Pluto adding rocket fuel to this New Moon, explosions and conflicts and exposure of dysfunctions in relationships of all kinds are to be expected. Remember, this is necessary in order to make room for authentic, healthy states of being, whether one is alone or partnered. Pluto turning direct may expose dark material in a relationship with a lover, a spouse, coworker, friend or family member. It could also hold true for a contract – actual or symbolic – held with a business, leader, nation or community member. Once you see it, you won’t be able to unsee it. Do not turn away; instead, let the truth settle into your awareness and admit to yourself that which is being exposed.

This is a time to determine whether certain relationships have the capacity to go deeper, to be enriched. If you know that the person or collective entity has the capacity (a very important point!) to be honest with themselves, to face shadow, to be transformed – then, have a discussion. Focus on negotiation and alchemize the relationship into a new shape and expression. Compromise won’t work – it will simply be a spackle patch on a rotting structure. Change must go deep and alter both parties significantly. If this is not accessible, it’s best to walk away.

Facing relationships squarely and honestly is one of the most important, critical aspects of spiritual development. Being in an energetically mismatched or codependent relationship is beyond depleting – it is handicapping to one’s growth and ability to thrive in this lifetime. We all know this by now. Of course, one of the main reasons that we stay in contracts, agreements, and partnerships with individuals, situations, societal constructs is because we are afraid to go it alone. The truth is, unless you’re willing to be alone, you won’t ever be happy in any relationship. One must stop blaming the other, continually asking the futile question à la the Everly Brothers’ rockabilly ditty and Linda Ronstadt’s awesome yet pitiable plea, “When Will I Be Loved?”

The Willingness to Walk Away

If it’s clear you need to leave, take steps to prepare. Get the support you need, from a group or safe friends or a counselor. Focus on getting your financial life squared away – come out of vagueness; it will help build your confidence. It helps also to get your physical body in good shape – exercise, see your health practitioner, build your immune system, get stronger. In leaving a dysfunctional relationship, it is much easier if you’re feeling good and supported. The same goes for readying to leave a job that is depleting or harmful, or detaching from a facet of mainstream society that is undermining your evolution and happiness.

Come out of victim mode. Be willing to go to any lengths. Put yourself first – you and your inner child. This is critical. If you imagined that you were responsible for a little one (that’s a part of you!), would you put that child in such an unhealthy or demeaning situation? Of course not. You’d find a way to remove him or her from the toxic environment. If you focus on helping your inner child thrive, it is easier to make bigger moves that may seem scary. Plus, with your inner child on your team, you won’t feel so alone. You’ve got a built-in buddy to spend your time with – and you absolutely need each other.

Realize that the person, place, or dysfunctional situation you are in is NOT going to change. I repeat: they are not going to change. Must I say it a third time? The way they are today is the way they are going to be tomorrow. I can hear some of you arguing with me. Yes, people can and do change but that is Grace and that is the Divine’s business, not yours, and it’s a big gamble for you to take by waiting. So stop playing God and stop pretending that you have the ability to make anyone else do or understand what you want them to do or understand. Again, accept that this is how it is. Got it? Now are you ready to get a move on?

Misplaced loyalty to a person, organization, or cause is really a deeper fear of going it alone. As I write in my 2021 book Truth Seeker: A Spiritual Adventure of Love, Loss, and Liberation, in order to awaken from the dream of the false and be free from suffering, “You have to be willing to die.” By the same token, in order to be happy in relationship, you have to be willing to be ALONE.

One of my early spiritual mentors told me, “You’re not ready to spend the rest of your life with someone until you’re ready to spend it alone.” Of course, this aloneness is not truly alone. As we’ve mentioned above, we’ve got our Inner Child, and we have the Self. Consciousness is the ultimate attachment figure. Don’t forget it.

In sum, expecting the other person to fulfill your needs is a recipe for resentment and disaster. With Mars and Pluto so active at this New Moon, remember that any explosions, disturbing encounters, upsets are absolutely necessary to reveal the truth of your relationship’s underpinnings – are they in good shape? Are they rotting? Is it time to bring in the wrecking crew, so you can rebuild, whether alone or with a more fitting person or situation?

Remember, powerful Pluto’s turn direct and Mars’ double whammy are here for the sake of evolution. These transformational allies bring great courage and power to us when we need it most. If your relationship is on sound footing, this New Moon in Libra will show you just how strong that bond is, so celebrate with a joyful, grateful deepening of commitment. And if you do unearth a dysfunctional or rotting root system, use the power of this lunation to see the truth and stand for it. Your soul will be cheering you on with every single step out the door. You’ve got a much better chance of a thriving future unfolding, whether happily alone or grooving with another being that accurately reflects the truth of who you are today.

Erin Reese, M.S. is a contemporary non-dual spiritual teacher, author and guide. A modern mystic with over thirty years of experience, Erin Reese offers incisive, practical intuitive readings to her clients worldwide. She is a counselor, guide and mentor to those seeking an alternative to traditional psychotherapy or business coaching. Erin also offers non-dual meetings and retreats on embodied liberation and freedom from suffering. Visit erinreese.com for more information.