"I'm So Frustrated with Service!"

A short response to a spiritual seeker on seva and karma yoga.

Mar 12, 2024

A friend on a sincere spiritual path, currently at a large ashram in south India, wrote to me inquiring about service (seva). The ashram managers had gently but firmly suggested to her that she sign up for a voluntary service position, to which she had a large amount of resistance.

I’m so frustrated with the idea of seva. What am I getting out of it? What is this about for me? Why am I not able to show up purely for the joy of being of service and doing whatever it takes from a place of love? The time of day they want me to work is exactly when I most need rest as I’m still recovering from an injury, and it’s making me ill. I feel like this whole thing is not good for me. I don’t want to serve with resistance. I want to serve with joy and love! But I don’t like being told what to do! I hate that I’m wondering what’s in it for me – does this seva serve me? Am I just being selfish?

I post my response here for readers drawn to such themes – service, spiritual teachers and teachings, and karma yoga. It’s also for readers wondering if they need an attitude adjustment when it comes to daily living.

Dear One,

This is an inquiry for satsang. I truly understand your frustration. Let me respond first to the question of whether you’re being selfish or if there’s actually something there in your resistance.

The answer is: BOTH.

First, I hear that you are noticing your own entitlement (“what’s in it for me?”) – the “me, me, me” egoic situation. Entitlement to any outcome, positive or negative, is an expectation and a setup for suffering. We are not entitled to the result of anything, ever. No dream, no vision, no desire. Have them, yes (they arise!), but you’re never entitled to the fruits of any endeavor. It’s just not up to the little ego. You know this, and it bears repeating.

AND, you get to speak up for yourself to those who are requesting your service. You get to say “No, this is not right for me, my health, my body, etc.” and advocate for yourself, to ask for an alternative time or position, or simply to say no. Being a part of an ashram, an organization, a family, a group, etc. does not mean we are indentured servants. So we get to both check our entitlement, and say no when it is harmful to us. This includes saying NO to a spiritual teacher or guru, a psychotherapist, any authority figure.

With the guru, it gets tricky, I know, but the truth is, the guru is there for you to fall back on the Self, to the Satguru, the teacher within. We are willing to be guided, led, to take suggestions. And, we are adults in human embodied form and get to have a voice when something is harmful or violating in any way.

Each person’s relationship with a teacher is unique. It is about working with our maturing, developing personality and personhood, AND simultaneously allowing the identification with the personality and ego to be dissolved, seen through. It’s a ride. For some (most) of us, it’s bumpy, messy, and lasts as long as it lasts. It has to play itself out. This is because it does not follow any rules of control.

No rules. No predictable outcome. It’s all process. Being, becoming. Evolving and devolving.

To sum up, just because the guru or ashram asks something of us does not mean we have to go along, to play martyr or victim.

When it comes to the GIFT of seva, of karma yoga:

- Some of us are overcoming selfishness and need to work through our resistances.

- Some of us are overcoming martyrdom and need to work with standing for what is true and right and good for us.

- And some of us are working with both! Even in the same situation!

- Only you can know what that is from moment to moment!

Seva is here to teach us humility. Humility of not being extra special. Humility of being an ordinary person. And it is also there to help keep the teaching going for yourself and for others.

The ashram is your guru’s “house,” yes, but it is also your house. You are staying and residing there, you do what you need to do to help keep that house with a high vibe.

Sometimes it’s just work. It’s not done with joy and love – that in itself is putting an expectation on the self for some sort of experience or experiencing. Sometimes, it’s really shitty. Zero fun. Like cleaning your baby’s dirty diapers. Or, doing the needful to keep up your home even though you’re really tired and don’t feel like it. We still do it. We do it because it’s the bigger picture.

If we’re resentful, that’s the indicator that something needs to change. We need to speak up, to change the situation, or even ask ourselves if we need to leave, if this is where we need to be in the first place.

Paradoxically, all of the above points to exactly what it is doing for you, while you’re learning to see through the identification with the separate “me,” the egoic thought.

Every situation is unique. Every moment is an opportunity to see through the fixation. Coming up against resistance is part of it. Sometimes we don’t need to do it with joy and love; sometimes we show up and do service because it’s what is needed. Sometimes a gratitude practice is helpful.

One last, important point of the purposefulness of service and of karma yoga:

WORK engages the working mind, the mind that is in contact with its sense objects. An engaged mind is less likely to be indulgent in rumination and anticipation. The engaged mind is in the NOW, and the more involving the task, the more engaged. This is another purpose of work!

In contrast, the thinking mind is sitting around feeling sorry for itself (the little, persistent ego), wandering to and fro, unsettled and vacillating, and separate from What Is.