A note to readers: I realize the sensitive nature of this topic. While I have made an effort to be conscientious, please know that I am working these themes through on my own - beauty and aging - and it's new, it's somewhat messy. It felt important to try to express these things now, imperfectly, as I feel this topic is ignored. There is an epidemic of increasingly great proportion to alter ourselves in ways that can be harmful, and that don't respect our natural gifts and the normal, healthy process of aging. As a public writer, I'm finding my way, and I'm writing this with the intention of bringing more love, acceptance, and joy into our collective and personal worlds. ❤️
Well, first of all, you have a beautiful upper lip! As someone who has always had thin lips and now at age 63 has no upper lip (and I do mean gone, completely, like, nowhere to put the lippy gone), I've been tempted to try injections. At one point nearly 10 years ago I even had an appointment for lip injections. But the hard stop for me was when, in the consultation, the doctor issued a prescription for an anti-viral medication. Lip injections can trigger cold sores in those who have herpes simplex virus (HSV1). I'd had cold sores in the past and decided the risk was not worth the reward.
And then I got to thinking about older friends who seemed to have frequent cold sores and realized their full upper lips are likely the cause. Yikes. Any upside of fuller lips is far outweighed by the sight of cold sores. No lips look luscious, regardless of plumpness, with a big ole cold sore punctuating them.
There are some really serious side effects of injections—a face that lacks the ability to express anything other than mild amusement. As your smart, funny, honest, compassionate article points out, for sighted people reading cues from facial expressions is a key component of communication. But the side effects of not being able to fully use one's face are much more devastating than that for the people with partially paralyzed faces. Studies show that Botox, which paralyzes muscles to help create the appearance of smooth skin, actually starts to destroy the user's ability to empathize. It changes the brain.
Basically, Botox is like cocaine to the brain of repeated users. Both destroy the parts of the brain that trigger compassion, empathy, and the spirit of service to others.
In the lighting in my own apartment, I look in the mirror and honestly think I'm beautiful. In other lighting, however, I've caught glimpses of myself and felt devastated by how old I look. In the end, I focus on what matters most to me for my aging body, face, hair, teeth, brain: staying as healthy as possible. I try to focus on nutrition, fitness, plenty time in nature, meditation, loving relationships, fun. Keeping all the parts of my brain firing healthfully is far more important than the illusion of youth for me.
Thank you, Erin, for this brave and fantastic post. I love your work.
Wow, Lynn. This is such an important response. I didn't know that about Botox - about paralyzing the facial muscles; it makes a lot of sense regarding the empathy. And the cold sores... We really do need to look at all of the impacts of these so-called "beauty treatments."
Thank you for the reminder to focus on what is really important: staying as healthy as possible. I like the focus on a fit brain, too.
Thank you for being a part of my, and others', aging gracefully journey, Lynn.
I fully agree with your critique of the trend we‘re seeing even in young women, to snip and/or bolster a little here, and a little there… What you‘re seeing in the lip jobs has been the noses for me. Actresses with fantastic racy ones show up suddenly, inmidst a TV series, with ridiculously innocent, dull little nosies. Like castrated of a classy trademark! Boring! Unsexy! The beauty ideal is a babies face, snub nose, Bambi-lashed eyes, with singular porn attractor rubber boat lips. Reminds me of the infantalization in food taste preferences. Sweet, sour and salty, pimped with a splash of hot have eliminated the interesting (and healthy) qualities of the bitter or tart. Such a bore!
That is fascinating, Nerine. I have noticed the nose jobs in some folks - yes. And, over the years, I have learned to love international (non-American) films for the variety of looks. I know that is changing over the years - across the board (like Bollywood stars losing a lot of weight and missing out on their beautiful curves); yet, I'm hopeful that other parts of the world continue to honor diversity in shapes, sizes, ages - all of it.
Nice comparison to food, too. Makes me crave some of that delicious Indian pickle.
"Another lip bites the dust..." - I appreciate your care for the sensitive nature of the story but I don't think this should be even considered of sensitive nature. We need to study in school that old is not ugly and young is not beautiful. Age does not define beauty!
I love this Erin, and can relate to every bit. I’m 62 and mostly hang out with 20, 30 and a very few 40-somethings. I forget how much older I look until I see a photo or glance in a mirror, which is sometimes shocking. A few times people have seen photos of me in my 20s or 30s and not recognized me. I’m lucky that my hair has only shifted to a darker blonde and is not gray yet. I hardly ever wear makeup anymore because I feel it makes me look hard and older. (I have discovered, though, that a little brown eyeliner works.) And the wonderful thing is that, although I do lament the sagging cheeks and thinner lips (as evidenced by this long response focused on me), I know that radiance has no age, and this is true beauty. I love the freedom of not needing to look a certain way, and going for whatever look I love. Sometimes glitter is fun ✨
My 26-year-old daughter recently went to a Pretenders concert in Antwerp and she said, “If I’m 5% as cool as Chrissie Hynde when I’m 71, I will have succeeded in life!” Bless our older sisters--Joni, too--who continue to be truly alive, real, gifting us with their passion.
I’m gonna share this with my daughters. Thank you 🙏🏻♥️
Chrissie Hynde is awesome! I saw the Pretenders a few years ago and I was thrilled to see her vibrancy and strength. I just read her memoir, Reckless - about her first years and starting the band. Talk about strength and fortitude.
Yes, we have our heroines. I thought of Joni, too.
Thank you for your response, LeAnn. Thank you for honoring natural beauty. True aliveness. It definitely sprouts from within.
A note to readers: I realize the sensitive nature of this topic. While I have made an effort to be conscientious, please know that I am working these themes through on my own - beauty and aging - and it's new, it's somewhat messy. It felt important to try to express these things now, imperfectly, as I feel this topic is ignored. There is an epidemic of increasingly great proportion to alter ourselves in ways that can be harmful, and that don't respect our natural gifts and the normal, healthy process of aging. As a public writer, I'm finding my way, and I'm writing this with the intention of bringing more love, acceptance, and joy into our collective and personal worlds. ❤️
Well, first of all, you have a beautiful upper lip! As someone who has always had thin lips and now at age 63 has no upper lip (and I do mean gone, completely, like, nowhere to put the lippy gone), I've been tempted to try injections. At one point nearly 10 years ago I even had an appointment for lip injections. But the hard stop for me was when, in the consultation, the doctor issued a prescription for an anti-viral medication. Lip injections can trigger cold sores in those who have herpes simplex virus (HSV1). I'd had cold sores in the past and decided the risk was not worth the reward.
And then I got to thinking about older friends who seemed to have frequent cold sores and realized their full upper lips are likely the cause. Yikes. Any upside of fuller lips is far outweighed by the sight of cold sores. No lips look luscious, regardless of plumpness, with a big ole cold sore punctuating them.
There are some really serious side effects of injections—a face that lacks the ability to express anything other than mild amusement. As your smart, funny, honest, compassionate article points out, for sighted people reading cues from facial expressions is a key component of communication. But the side effects of not being able to fully use one's face are much more devastating than that for the people with partially paralyzed faces. Studies show that Botox, which paralyzes muscles to help create the appearance of smooth skin, actually starts to destroy the user's ability to empathize. It changes the brain.
Basically, Botox is like cocaine to the brain of repeated users. Both destroy the parts of the brain that trigger compassion, empathy, and the spirit of service to others.
In the lighting in my own apartment, I look in the mirror and honestly think I'm beautiful. In other lighting, however, I've caught glimpses of myself and felt devastated by how old I look. In the end, I focus on what matters most to me for my aging body, face, hair, teeth, brain: staying as healthy as possible. I try to focus on nutrition, fitness, plenty time in nature, meditation, loving relationships, fun. Keeping all the parts of my brain firing healthfully is far more important than the illusion of youth for me.
Thank you, Erin, for this brave and fantastic post. I love your work.
Lynn
Wow, Lynn. This is such an important response. I didn't know that about Botox - about paralyzing the facial muscles; it makes a lot of sense regarding the empathy. And the cold sores... We really do need to look at all of the impacts of these so-called "beauty treatments."
Thank you for the reminder to focus on what is really important: staying as healthy as possible. I like the focus on a fit brain, too.
Thank you for being a part of my, and others', aging gracefully journey, Lynn.
I fully agree with your critique of the trend we‘re seeing even in young women, to snip and/or bolster a little here, and a little there… What you‘re seeing in the lip jobs has been the noses for me. Actresses with fantastic racy ones show up suddenly, inmidst a TV series, with ridiculously innocent, dull little nosies. Like castrated of a classy trademark! Boring! Unsexy! The beauty ideal is a babies face, snub nose, Bambi-lashed eyes, with singular porn attractor rubber boat lips. Reminds me of the infantalization in food taste preferences. Sweet, sour and salty, pimped with a splash of hot have eliminated the interesting (and healthy) qualities of the bitter or tart. Such a bore!
That is fascinating, Nerine. I have noticed the nose jobs in some folks - yes. And, over the years, I have learned to love international (non-American) films for the variety of looks. I know that is changing over the years - across the board (like Bollywood stars losing a lot of weight and missing out on their beautiful curves); yet, I'm hopeful that other parts of the world continue to honor diversity in shapes, sizes, ages - all of it.
Nice comparison to food, too. Makes me crave some of that delicious Indian pickle.
"Another lip bites the dust..." - I appreciate your care for the sensitive nature of the story but I don't think this should be even considered of sensitive nature. We need to study in school that old is not ugly and young is not beautiful. Age does not define beauty!
I agree! My aim was to reduce the chances of anyone feeling shame upon reading my piece, primarily if they've already gone for augmentation.
Yes, I see that. Good point. I appreciate that.
I love this Erin, and can relate to every bit. I’m 62 and mostly hang out with 20, 30 and a very few 40-somethings. I forget how much older I look until I see a photo or glance in a mirror, which is sometimes shocking. A few times people have seen photos of me in my 20s or 30s and not recognized me. I’m lucky that my hair has only shifted to a darker blonde and is not gray yet. I hardly ever wear makeup anymore because I feel it makes me look hard and older. (I have discovered, though, that a little brown eyeliner works.) And the wonderful thing is that, although I do lament the sagging cheeks and thinner lips (as evidenced by this long response focused on me), I know that radiance has no age, and this is true beauty. I love the freedom of not needing to look a certain way, and going for whatever look I love. Sometimes glitter is fun ✨
My 26-year-old daughter recently went to a Pretenders concert in Antwerp and she said, “If I’m 5% as cool as Chrissie Hynde when I’m 71, I will have succeeded in life!” Bless our older sisters--Joni, too--who continue to be truly alive, real, gifting us with their passion.
I’m gonna share this with my daughters. Thank you 🙏🏻♥️
Chrissie Hynde is awesome! I saw the Pretenders a few years ago and I was thrilled to see her vibrancy and strength. I just read her memoir, Reckless - about her first years and starting the band. Talk about strength and fortitude.
Yes, we have our heroines. I thought of Joni, too.
Thank you for your response, LeAnn. Thank you for honoring natural beauty. True aliveness. It definitely sprouts from within.